Hollywood’s latest blockbuster hit 50 Shades of Grey has created quite a stir in many circles. While some feel that this movie is a hit with its provocative story-line, others see a more harmful story where the controlling behavior that might be OK in the bedroom, is not OK in other areas of the relationship. Many people do not know that they are in a controlling relationship; they see it from the inside where it is normal to them, just a part of their life with their partner. When others witness the behavior, they are looking in and can see that the relationship is harmful and needs to be either fixed or stopped. This is where an experienced private investigator can help. They can conduct various types of surveillance that will give the abused party evidence that they are in a relationship that is not a healthy one. Typically, once the abused party begins to see what is happening from another person’s viewpoint, they will see that they are in an unhealthy relationship, which is the first step in fixing or stopping the controlling behavior.
The difference between a healthy sex life and a controlling relationship
Every relationship will have different ideas when it comes to physical intimacy. While some people choose to be very conservative, others will enjoy things like what Fifty Shades of Grey brings to life. In the movie, Mr Grey chose to control every aspect of Anastasia’s life, from what she wore to who she talked to and everything in between. While she chose to participate in BDSM type sexual behavior that may be healthy for relationships to maintain a certain spark, once that behavior leaves the bedroom, it becomes a serious problem.
What is controlling behavior?
Usually, the controlling behavior starts out small but escalates over time. It might start out as telling someone what they should eat but it will likely escalate to where they should go, where they should work, who they are allowed to associate with etc. The tell-tale sign that a person is being controlled is to see what happens when they stand up to the other party. For example, if they are around a person they were asked not to see, the controlling party will likely do one of two things: the most common reaction is that they will become agitated and upset and come up with some form of punishment, much like a parent does to a child. The other reaction is that they will become very sad and act like the abused person has hurt them, like they are the victim. Anytime a person insists on having a say in every aspect of a person’s life, married or not, they are expressing controlling behavior.
The signs of unhealthy controlling behavior
It is difficult to see inside a relationship and to know what happens behind closed doors, but there are things that people can watch for in their loved ones that will tell them if they might be in a controlling relationship. The most common sign is that they will become withdrawn from family and friends and have a noticeable change in their self-esteem. One way that abusers use control is to break down their victim so they think that they cannot live without the abuser, like they are asking for the punishments they receive. They will not be allowed to use social media, go out without the other party or have their own cell phone. If they do have a cell phone or social media, it will be guarded closely by the abuser so they always know exactly who they are talking to, what they are doing and where they are going. It is hard to see the control from the outside, but over time, the signs will present themselves and it is important that once the signs start to surface, they are stopped in their tracks.
Unhealthy relationships often cause serious damage to the victim. They may think they are imagining things since there are no physical bruises or evidence. Most of the time, they do not see what is happening and they will not listen to family and friends when they try to tell them something is wrong. This is where a private investigator can help. They are an outside party with no ties to anyone who will present the victim with the evidence and let it sink in. Once the seed has been planted, they will begin to notice the little things, and it will only be a matter of time before they have had enough and put a stop to the controlling behavior. It is important, however, that their family and friends are there to help them put the pieces of their self-esteem back together when the relationship finally falls apart.
