How To Regain Trust After Cheating

By April 27, 2012infidelity

Save Your Relationship After Cheating

If you’ve been caught cheating on a spouse or partner by a private investigator – or by your spouse himself or herself – you likely find yourself surrounded by an air of mistrust and living in a relationship that’s on very rocky ground. In order to try and put an end to the feeling of devastation, the partner who cheated has to be accountable, present and prepared to work hard and for a potentially very long time to build back trust.

There are several levels of cheating – and some are more easily forgiven than others. Of course, there’s no hard and fast rule about how a partner will feel after having found out about any level of cheating. For instance, some partners would feel just as betrayed by their lover pursuing a non-physical liaison over the phone or internet as they might by their lover cheating in a more traditional sense. Others might not be as upset by a fling as they would a longer-term extra-marital liaison. Regardless of what type of cheating has transpired, the cheater must learn to deal with and validate their partner’s feelings of betrayal. North American Investigations has conducted thousands of cases involving infidelity and has experience in advising clients on dealing with being cheated on.

How A Cheater Can Work To Heal A Damaged Relationship

  1. Don’t make excuse or try to validate your cheating – If your partner has come to you with verifiable proof that they or a private investigator have gathered on your cheating ways, it’s incumbent upon you to own your actions. Being caught is the worst possible thing that could happen and it already has happened. To compound the lie or to play the blame game with the offended partner or spouse will do nothing for your credibility and only stands to damage the relationship beyond repair. As painful as it is to admit the truth, and as much as it will hurt your lover to hear it, they will likely never be able to trust you again if you lie to their face out of sheer cowardice
  2. Make yourself available – By cheating on your partner, you’ve signaled that, at least for a time, you had emotionally checked out of your relationship. What’s more, if you continue to be absent from your partner when you could otherwise be spending time with him or her, you’re only opening yourself up for more suspicion. Your partner will likely feel very paranoid and it’s incumbent upon you to be visible, available and active in your relationship – even if much of the time you do spend together is incredibly uncomfortable. In fact, you will need to be ready to answer some very uncomfortable questions about your cheating – questions you can’t hide from. You should also make sure that your every waking minute is accounted for. From sharing your calendar and your every move with your partner to checking in from time to time via phone, email or even text – you gave up the luxury of coming and going as you please when you cheated. Try to avoid situations that will inevitably make your partner nervous or jealous. For example, having drinks alone with a work colleague you could potentially be attracted to is not a smart idea.
  3. Put your partner and your relationship first – Oftentimes, cheating begins when couples put their relationship’s needs on the back burner. Relationships take work and, especially after one has been caught having an affair, will need to be priority #1 – taking precedence above all else, including work and friends – for the foreseeable future. And, it’s not just about spending time together or turning down social or work functions as a show of good faith – making your relationship a priority also means demonstrating as much. Public proclamations to family and friends of just how much your partner means to you is often a great way to make them feel special, for example.
  4. Let your partner take the time they need – there isn’t a ticking clock or a statute of limitations on how long your partner should or shouldn’t take to recover after you’ve betrayed them. You can’t expect them to just get over it and you certainly can’t verbalize that desire. The fact of the matter is, your partner may never be fully healed. The most you can hope for is forgiveness and leniency – both of which can take weeks, months, years and possibly even a lifetime to achieve.

Learn and grow from your mistake as a couple – If you can manage to recover from your cheating and learn to better communicate with one another and prioritize your relationship by spending quality time together, there is the possibility you might forge an even stronger relationship with your partner