Tips on Confronting a Cheating Spouse

Silhouette of couple going through a breakup

You’ve had your suspicions and have noticed telltale little signs. Maybe you’ve received a call from a friend detailing that they just saw something happening that shouldn’t. Perhaps you’ve noted some unaccounted for charges on the telephone or credit card bill. Acknowledging the possibility that your spouse is cheating on you is, on its own, a blow to your confidence, your psyche, and your ego.

If you’re wonder what steps you need to take to help you in such a situation, here’s how to get the truth out of them and what to do next:

Gather Proof of Their Infidelity

Unless you have evidence that proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that your spouse or partner is cheating on you, it will be easy for them to fib and lie out of the situation. Confronting them is uncomfortable enough, but not having concrete proof of their infidelity will most likely result in an unfocused discussion that resolves nothing.

Examine Your Feelings

Now that you’ve compiled undisputable proof that your partner is having an affair, take a quiet moment and let it sink in. You will understandably experience a lot of different emotions, sometimes all at once: confusion, denial, pain, anger, and/or disbelief are all valid feelings and you’ll be able to center yourself much faster if you allow them to wash over you, then pass. From here, it’s time to figure out what you want to achieve by confronting your partner. Whether you choose to end your relationship, make an attempt to mend it, or just obtain closure, it’s important to have a clear head before proceeding.

Stay Calm and Rational

The urge to be angry, yelling and throwing things, will bubble to the surface once you have your partner in front of you and open a line of communication. Be prepared to be met with resistance and denial – which you’ll then refute with the evidence you’ve gathered. As much as it hurts, make an attempt to stay calm and reasonable if you seek answers to the numerous questions you now have in your mind. There’s no productivity to be had in violence, so try to communicate with, not at, your spouse.

When All Else Fails, Seek Help

If you want answers but can’t bring yourself to ask questions without getting distracted or off-track, there’s no harm at all in letting a third party, such as a therapist or a marriage counselor, facilitate the conversation. If you do decide that you want to take the path towards healing and reconciliation, going to therapy may be your best course of action in untangling your feelings of betrayal and forgiving your partner.

Dealing with a unfaithful significant other can be a very painful experience, especially if the two of you have been together for a while. However, keeping your head on straight and maintaining an objective yet open outlook is the right way to tackle this kind of challenge. In the end, the decision of whether or not you want to maintain your relationship with your spouse rests entirely on your shoulders.

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